I went to an amazing prophetic conference recently. My friend’s Chloe and Stuart Glassborrow from Catch the Fire UK, hosted Isabel Allum. Wow, was she great. She spoke such a word that went straight into my spirit, which was this.

We ask for faith, but faith comes to us supernaturally. We think that we need to ‘have faith’ or ‘get faith’ in order to get what we are praying for, or perhaps just to please God. Actually, Isabel said, all we have been asked to do it to BELIEVE. Which comes first, the cart or the horse? Good question, but her point was that all God asks us to do, is simply believe. It’s when we believe that our faith supernaturally begins to grow within us. It’s when we declare His goodness and trust in Him completely, that our faith – our belief, can move mountains. This was a big revelation moment for me. I am sure most of you already knew this, but I have been a bit of a slow learner…

But I had another reason for going to listen to Isabel. I wanted her to prophesy over me! I wanted her to call out from the front ‘You there! thus saith the Lord unto thee!!’ I would stand up and the rest of the folk there would stare at me in wonder and envy over this amazing word that she was speaking into my life.

Well, it didn’t happen. I waited and waited and she went around speaking to this person (YOU THERE!!) and that person, but not to me. Oh, everything in me was crying out in frustration and EGO – hey lady!! what about ME!? It was getting late, and I knew it would go on for awhile. I knew I had to head home, so I took my sorry self out of the building, licking my wounded pride all the way.

And as I am heading home, I am sort of saying this to Him ‘Well, thanks a lot, that would have been great for me you know. ‘ I moaned and moaned and shed some lovely self pity tears. Kept moaning to Him, what about me,  what about me – well you may even know that drill…I was real worked up. Finally, huff huff, He speaks to me.

Him ‘ Do you hear from Me?’

Me ‘Yes, you know I do’

Him ‘ Then why do you think you have to hear about you from someone else? You don’t need someone else to prophesy over you when you can come to me directly’

Me ‘emm, yes’ then me, silence…thinking, working something out. I’m thinking, why did I want Isabel to prophesy over me? What was that about.

Him ‘Motives?’ He’s asked me this a few times over the last few years. What are my motives for wanting something.

And that is when I knew. I wanted to be the special one, the chosen one. I wanted my ego to be stroked in public and to be made a big fuss over. And that made me feel quite ashamed of myself. I said ‘Sorry Lord’ and He knew and He knows and that is what is just so cool about Him. He makes a big fuss over us, even when we’ve been stamping our sorry little feet and throwing tantrums like two year olds.

Really really really, when He reveals to us the matters of our heart, the matters that potentially block Him out of our lives, it’s huge. It’s so heart touchingly beautiful, because all He wants is to love on us and for us to love on Him. Unconditionally.